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So, you’ve been arrested and convicted of forging prescriptions. You show up at your sentencing and give the judge a note from your doctor, which asks the court to postpone the sentencing until a later date.
Do you really think the courts are as stoopid as you are? Forging a doctor’s note? Did you think no one was going to check?!
Honestly, Michelle, you need help!
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There are happy drunks, sad drunks, mean drunks, and of course, drunks with the munchies. Apparently Steven P. Malone of Louisville is one of the latter.
He was spotted by store employees stuffing a 4 pound chicken down the front of his pants. At this point, we have to stop and wonder just how inebriated he was, since the weight of the chicken caused his pants to drop down to his knees as he was walking (shuffling?) through the store.
He was also nabbed with two bags of M&Ms. It really has to make you wonder – which came first? The chicken or… (awwww too bad they weren’t special packages for Easter!)
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Michael Wilson Sr., of Republic, PA recently got tired of waiting for a ride home from the hospital, saw an ambulance and apparently thought “ah ha! I’ll be home in no time!”
Driving an ambulance is apparently more difficult than it appears – Mr. Wilson did about $4k worth of damage all while being caught on the dash cam… oh, did we mention that the ambulance has GPS tracking?
Dashcam – Man steals ambulance
Dude, next time go for a cop car, you’ll probably get farther!
[Ed note: This sounds like something that would happen to one of our wonderful friends in NJ 
]
Imagine being awakened from a sound sleep when suddenly crash! boom! bang! You run out to the living room, only to see a guy standing there, completely nude, under a huge hole in the ceiling.
Such is the story of Kaliegh Townsend, who was roused one Tuesday morning by Patrick Williams, of Adams County, Mississippi. He was apparently fleeing from the police who were trying to arrest him for not reporting to his parole officer.
Kaleigh screamed at the man to get out of her apartment, he screamed that he only wanted to borrow some shorts, she screamed back, he ran to the front door, then grabbed her coat and ran off.
He was later apprehended. She decided she didn’t need that coat any longer.
Full Story: Man fleeing police falls through apt. ceiling naked | 9news.com.
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We here at FelonyStoopid.com know it can be a challenge to work with your significant other. Day in, day out… or to quote one of us…
It’s that breathing… in… out… it never stops!
[Ed note: I digress!]
So you can imagine working with your spouse at the neighborhood Walmart. Not only do you both have sucky jobs, but it turns out your one true love also has a wandering eye.
Such is the story of Clodia Coicour of Collier County, Florida, who allegedly sprayed the alleged object of her alleged huband’s alleged lust (also an employee of the local Walmart) with pepper spray, and then bit off her ring finger.
We’d say we allegedly laughed our butts off when we read about this, but we still have them.
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Keith Gruber, 49, of Sullivan County, New York, allegedly showed up late to his DWI hearing while… you guessed it… intoxicated. And to make sure everyone knew it, he carried an open can of beer along with 4 more in a bag.
When the judge asked if he’d enjoyed his liquid lunch, Mr. Gruber replied in the affirmative, then managed to remember to apologize for being an hour and a half late.
Again, we recommend that people take the advice of a popular country song: If you drink, don’t drive, do the Watermelon Crawl.
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A couple in Lincoln, Nebraska called their local Pizza Hut to complain that their pizza was too doughy. Although most restaurant managers do not want to take this sort of call, in this case the manager was only too happy to hear from the customers that had already passed the restaurant several counterfeit $5 bills.
Soon after the couple received their replacement pizza, they received a visit from the police, who searched their trailer and found several more of the counterfeit bills.
Their original complaint was that the pizza was too doughy… there must be a dough joke here somewhere… leave your “dough line” in the comments!
Full article: http://journalstar.com/news/local/crime-and-courts/article_ec341188-ab3c-5fda-9d63-bb4f44457371.html
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It seems poor Helen Staudinger, 92, of Ocala, FL has perhaps been celibate a bit too long. She finally set her sights on Dwight Bettner, 53. Unfortunately, Dwight was already involved with someone and tried to tell Helen that he couldn’t kiss her as she insisted.
Well, Helen went home, grabbed a gun (ala Julie Brown ~Everybody run, granny’s got a gun!~) and returned and shot up Dwight’s carport, nearly hitting him at the same time.
~A kiss is just a kiss… ~
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Are you a happy drunk or a mean drunk? How about a proud drunk?
Stephen Supers was stopped in Elyria Ohio for speeding. When the police officer asked him to get out of his car, he realized that Mr. Supers might be intoxicated. When asked, Mr. Supers apparently not only agreed that yes, he was drunk, but reached into the car and grabbed a can of beer and swigged it, just to prove it.
Perhaps, though, his happy mood was also influenced by the marijuana cops also found in his car.
Happy happy, joy joy. There are reasons you shouldn’t drink and drive, boy!
More: Suspect drinks in front of cop
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Unfortunately, the dude was already married.
According to the Thaindian news, in 2004 Richard Barton Jr. married a Rhode Island woman. He disappeared a few months later (turns out, he was in jail… is this a surprise?). When he was released, he ran away to Michigan. Met a girl on the Internet… they got married… posted photos on Facebook… and the rest, as they say… is history.
Seriously? It’s 2011, you can’t post that you sneezed without half the planet knowing it… big brother, big sister, and Uncle Sam are all watching!
More at : Facebook wedding photo leads to polygamy charge http://www.thaindian.com/newsportal/odd-news/facebook-wedding-photo-leads-to-polygamy-charge_100516794.html#ixzz1HIvNZoiv
